Life, LOVE & happiness 4-11-2017

Good morning! that phrase is one of the many things I miss about my late husband. I share a home with my 23 year old daughter and unless she has to work in the morning, it is rare for me to be greeted before noon and "Good afternoon!" is not ever her greeting. That is life ...

I love my children -- I miss my children. The eighteen or so years that I had the responsibility to provide a home, meals, clothing and guidance for my children is now in the past and I love the adults that my children have become. I have opportunities to watch and listen to my older two be parents to their children. Grandchildren are wonderful. I am amazed to see the patience that my children exhibit in their interactions with my grandchildren. I am sure that I was not the example for this parenting. Which brings me to believe, that I was the example of what they did NOT want to be as parents.

Are young people ever satisfied with the lives they are living? I vividly remember wanting more -- more freedom, more money, more friends, more fun. Perhaps it is because I am the oldest child in my family, perhaps it is a character trait (read flaw?), but I was not ever satisfied with easy. I could have had easy, but rejected it time after time. My happiest days were ones in which I accomplished something that was hard to do.

At this (hopefully) middle time of my life, I still want more. The hard things now are relative. It is hard to watch my parents grow older and not be able to do many things for themselves. It is hard to endure the physical pain I am in every day. It is hard to admit as a parent, as a person, that I do not have and have never had all of the answers. It is hard to self examine and view the results. Sometimes it is hard to write and share my feelings.

I do write for so many reasons: 1) It is cathartic. 2) My son is searching in to his family tree, if his grandchildren or great-grandchildren do the same, I want there to be something to find. I want to give them a sense of who the person is/was that is giving/gave them some DNA. 3) If anything I write can be helpful to someone else, I want to share and be helpful. 4) Writing is helping me be more aware of changes I need to make. 5) Writing is hard.

Until Later ~ Rita